It is 1985. I walk towards our school for Monday's lessons. It is an old castle in the East German countryside.

This is the most elite school in East Germany. It is a boys-only school. We live and study here. I am Matthias, and I am eighteen. All the students in our class are adults. It is our last year at school.

Some students are here because their parents have money. Others are here because their parents have power. My father works in a factory. I am here because I am clever.

I hate this place. I do not want to go inside.

But it is dangerous to be clever here.

“Matthias, the answer, please?” the teacher asks.

Last time, I gave the right answer. Felix called me the teacher's pet. Then Rolf hit me.

I look at my page. I know the right answer. But I do not want Rolf to hit me again. So I give a wrong answer.

“Um… zero?”

“Wrong,” the teacher says. “You need to work harder.”

Rolf kicks my chair. Then he hits my leg with his knee. Felix takes the cap off his pen. I move away and raise my arm to stop his hand.

“Stop!”

But Felix flicks the pen. Black ink makes a line across my white shirt.

“Your only shirt!” Felix says. “Your parents have no money for another one!”

They laugh. I pull my cardigan over the ink. My leg hurts. I gave the wrong answer, but they still hurt me.

I look down at my shirt and sit very still.

I hate this place. With a right answer, they hurt me. With a wrong answer, they still hurt me.

Nothing changes.

Someone knocks. The teacher opens the door. A young man stands there. His fair hair is wet.

“This is Adrian, our new student,” the teacher says.

“Look at his old coat,” Rolf says. “Is he poor too?”

I look up. Everyone looks at Adrian. For a moment, they stop looking at me.

“Sit beside Matthias,” the teacher says.

Adrian sits down. He sees the ink on my shirt and offers me a handkerchief.

“For your shirt.”

I almost take it. But Felix is watching me.

“I don't need it.”

Adrian puts it away.

“And you will share room fourteen,” the teacher says.

My room. Felix makes a kissing sound. The others laugh.

Oh, fuck. My room is quiet. I can close the door there. Now Adrian will be there too. Tomorrow, Felix can laugh about us again.

It is Thursday. In the school corridor, the other students talk about Adrian.

“His father was in a special army group.”

“His father is dead.”

“Who told you?” I ask.

Nobody can answer. Are these stories true? I do not know. Adrian walks past with his black notebook. I never see him without it. We sleep in the same room, but I know very little about him.

At lunch, Felix moves his bag from the seat beside him.

“Sit here, Matthias.”

His father has an important job. He controls business with other countries. Every Saturday, I go to their house and help Felix with maths.

At school, Felix usually does not talk to me. Today he wants me beside him. Why? I look at his face. Is this another joke? I sit down, but I keep my bag on my knees.

Felix points at Adrian. “He always writes in that notebook. Does he miss his mummy? Take it, Matthias. Do something interesting.”

Adrian does not laugh at me. It is wrong to take his book. I want to say no.

Then Felix puts a hand on my shoulder. For once, he is not hurting me. Perhaps he wants to be my friend. I almost smile. I say nothing.

After lessons, Adrian and I go to room fourteen. He puts his notebook on the table by his bed.

“I’m going to wash my hands,” he says.

He goes out. Now I am alone with his book.

I put my hand above it. I can leave it here. Adrian is not my enemy.

But I take the notebook. I do not open it. I leave the room with it under my arm.

I walk along the corridor with Adrian’s notebook under my arm. Felix is waiting near the stairs.

Adrian did nothing to hurt me. But I took his book. I feel sick.

Maybe Felix will like me after this. Maybe he and Rolf will stop hitting me.

I hold the notebook close. I want to go back, but I keep walking.

I stop on the quiet landing above the stairs. Nobody is here.

I should look inside first.

I open the notebook. There are drawings: a cup, a window, a tired teacher.

“They’re beautiful,” I say quietly. I did not mean to say it.

Then I find a drawing of me. There is a line of ink on my shirt, like on Monday. But I do not look stupid or weak.

I do not want Felix to see these pictures.

I close the notebook and walk into the corridor. Felix stands in my way. He holds out his hand.

“Ah. You got it.”

I pull the book against my chest. I do not want to give it to him now.

Then I see Adrian behind Felix. Adrian sees his book in my arms.

He moves past Felix very fast and takes the notebook from me. Felix turns towards him.

“Screw you, new kid. We’ll get you soon enough.”

Adrian looks at me. Then he turns away.

That night, Adrian and I are in room fourteen. We have separate beds. I sit on mine. Adrian reaches for the light switch beside his bed.

“I didn't show Felix your pictures,” I say.

Adrian stops with his hand on the switch. I wait. I want him to talk to me.

“Good night, Matthias.”

He turns off the light. I lie in the dark with my eyes open.

On Friday, we have wrestling in the gym. We pull the mats across the floor.

“Choose a partner,” the sports teacher says.

Felix puts his hand up at once. “Sir, I'll go with Adrian.”

He looks at Rolf, and they smile. I know those smiles. They want to hurt someone.

Adrian walks towards the mat.

Adrian takes off his sports top. He still has his shorts on. Before, I only looked at his hands. Now I look at his shoulders and his chest. He moves easily.

I look away. Then I look at him again. I want to keep looking.

Felix stops smiling for a moment. His top is off too. He walks onto the mat.

“Begin!” the teacher says.

Felix runs towards Adrian. Adrian turns. He does not fall. He pulls Felix down onto the mat. Felix lies on his back.

“Adrian wins,” the teacher says.

The match is over. Adrian lets Felix go. It is a fair win. I almost smile.

Felix looks at the other students first. Then he looks at Adrian.

“Again!” Felix says.

Rolf looks at Felix. Then he runs to the open gym door and points down the corridor.

“Sir! Someone is being sick in the toilets!”

“Wait here,” the teacher tells us. He goes into the corridor.

Rolf watches him go. The teacher cannot see us now. Rolf turns back towards the mat and smiles at Felix. Now I understand. The story about the toilets is a lie. They want the teacher outside.

The teacher is still outside. The match cannot start yet. But Felix grabs Adrian's arm. Rolf comes from the side and holds Adrian's ankle. Adrian falls on the mat.

Felix pulls Adrian's right arm behind Adrian's back. Rolf does not let go of Adrian's ankle.

Adrian taps the mat with his left hand. In wrestling, that means “Stop”. Felix sees the hand. But he pulls harder. Adrian's face shows pain.

“Let him go,” I say.

I am afraid. Felix and Rolf will hurt me if I help Adrian. But I cannot sit and watch this.

I pull Felix away from Adrian. Felix lets go of his arm. Rolf lets go of Adrian's ankle.

“Factory boy,” Felix says. Now he is looking at me.

Three other boys stand up and come towards us. They join Felix and Rolf. Five boys. They stand around me.

Adrian is still on the mat. I am between him and Felix.

Felix hits my mouth. My lower lip is bleeding. Another boy pulls my grey shirt. Rolf pushes me down. My left cheek hits the floor.

Five boys stand around me. I cover my head with my arms. They kick the side of my body. I cannot get up.

Adrian pushes between them to help me. Felix's elbow hits Adrian's right eyebrow. Now Adrian is bleeding too.

“Stop!”

The teacher is back. The five boys move away.

“They started it, sir,” Felix says.

Adrian and I sit on the floor. My mouth is bleeding. My cheek hurts. Adrian sits beside me with blood above his right eye.

The teacher stands over us.

“Look at you. This is your own fault.”

He thinks we did this to each other.

“That is a lie,” I say. “We didn't start it.”

“Enough, factory boy. This is a school, not your father's workshop.”

“Matthias was helping me,” Adrian says.

The teacher does not listen.

“Detention. Both of you. Every afternoon next week. You must stay after lessons.”

We stay on the floor. He looks down at us.

“You two will spend a lot of time together.”