Sara at Berghain

After the final meeting of her business trip, 32-year-old Sara sat alone in her neat hotel room. Her closed laptop promised freedom, although the long week had left her exhausted. Her heels lay beside the bed. She was flying home the next morning, but first she wanted one unplanned night out.

It was Sara’s final night in Berlin. She put away her business blouse and changed into simple, understated black clothes. In the mirror, she still recognised the careful professional, yet her tired face also held curiosity. Before she could change her mind, she pulled on her coat and left for Berghain.

The queue stretched beside Berghain’s cold concrete walls, held between metal barriers. The adult clubgoers looked both bored and perfectly prepared, speaking in low voices as they waited. Sara noticed leather, dark clothes and unreadable faces. For the first time that evening, she seriously wondered whether she belonged in their world.

Ahead of Sara, an adult couple kissed as though nobody was watching. Behind her, a man smoked a cigarette and checked his phone again and again. Time passed with painful slowness. Although her nerves grew with every step towards the entrance, fascination kept her in the queue when leaving would have been easier.

When only a few people remained ahead of her, Sara saw the bouncer beside the heavy door. Her heart beat far too quickly. She pictured her quiet office, her early flight and the sensible version of herself who avoided uncertain situations. She could still turn back, but she preferred possible rejection to rejecting herself.

The bouncer examined Sara for several seconds without showing any emotion. At last, he nodded and left the entrance clear, offering neither humiliation nor special treatment. Relief escaped with Sara’s breath, but she paused at the threshold. Only when she felt ready did she choose to step through the heavy door.

Inside, red and silver flashes crossed the adult bodies dancing close together. The bass struck Sara’s chest, and the size of the dark room briefly overwhelmed her. Even so, she kept her bearings and remained aware of the people around her. Fear and desire were both present, but neither feeling was allowed to choose for her.

An adult blonde woman emerged from the crowd and stopped in front of Sara. Without closing the distance, she offered an open hand and waited until their eyes met. She neither pulled nor pressured her. Sara studied the woman’s calm expression, allowed herself a small smile and deliberately placed her hand in the stranger’s.